For generations, the idea of “losing one’s virginity” has been wrapped in silence, stigma, and misinformation–especially when it comes to women. Society has long pushed a single, narrow story: that a woman “loses” something the moment she gets intimate with a man; that her body must bleed, that something inside her must “break,” and that from that moment on, she is somehow less pure, less worthy.
Here is the scientific truth: virginity is not a medical condition. There is no biological test, scan, or physical marker that can prove whether someone has had intercourse. The hymen, often wrongly treated as a “seal of purity,” is simply a thin, elastic membrane.
In reality, it varies widely from person to person. It can stretch, thin, or tear through everyday activities like cycling, dancing, sports, or tampon use. Many people do not bleed during their first sexual experience at all and medically, that is completely normal.
If the body provides no consistent evidence, then what exactly is being “lost”?
The answer is uncomfortable: virginity is not a biological fact, it is a social invention. It was shaped by cultures that wanted to control women’s bodies, limit their choices, and measure their worth by sexual history. For centuries, a woman’s “purity” was linked to marriage, inheritance, and male honor. That legacy still lingers today, even when we pretend we have moved forward.
This double standard is obvious. Boys are often praised for sexual experience, while girls are warned that the same behavior makes them “dirty,” “cheap,” or “ruined.” Girls are taught to fear sex, to protect something fragile inside them—only to be expected to give it up later for love or marriage. The result is confusion, shame, and silence, instead of education, safety, and confidence.
This is why the phrase “losing virginity” is so harmful. It implies that something valuable disappears. That a person becomes less after sex. But intimacy does not erase identity. Desire does not destroy dignity. Experience does not cancel worth.
Virginity is not an object. It cannot be taken, stolen, or lost. It is simply a word people use to describe whether someone has had a certain kind of experience. Nothing more.
What actually matters is not whether someone has had sex but how and why. Was there consent? Was there respect? Was there understanding of one’s body and boundaries? Was the choice truly their own?
Those are the questions that deserve our attention.
Because a person is not defined by what they have or haven’t done with their body.
They are defined by their autonomy, their safety, and their right to choose.
And that is something no one can ever take away.
𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗯𝘆 Alexis F. Briones
JourKnows 
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